Today, I took a walk down memory lane. It all started with a dream. A dream about you. Yes I still do dream about you. Funny isn't it? After so long.. I guess time decides who you meet, the heart decides who you love but behavior decides who stays on. It was an adrenaline rush thinking of you after that dream. Everything seemed surreal, so near, so far, everything was distantly close. The sudden pang of missing you ate into me as the day wore on.
I missed how I'd never have to unlock and lock my phone again to check for notifications cos you'll be texting me, consuming all my idle thoughts while I travel to and fro. I miss how you would ask me how was my project in school and after that fetch me with a cup of KOI in hand. I miss our simple dinners together.. It didn't take us long to have a shared passion for simple tasty fare. Today I had Indonesian Grill at PS, something you introduced me to. I still love it but I try to avoid that place on most days as it reminds me of you. Dinner took all of me right back to you.
Then I chanced upon cute iron-ons in Daiso, it reminded me of the time we shopped there together for iron-ons to be embellished on the assortment of rainbow colored socks I bought for you. It was so gay I asked if you would wear them but the sporting you gamely agreed. I loved this part of you, always game for all my impromptu ideas. I told Lydia how you are, and how you would place everything I gave you in the living hall, how you would show everyone our photo album and cards. Happy times (:
Whenever you come into mind, you bring along the happy moments we shared. I remember how we loved buying food for each other or literally buying anything when we think of the other. Hello Panda, cup noodles, bubble tea, cupcakes, muffins and the endless list goes on. We'd even have soup dates to cook soup. Failed attempts aside, we were so contented.
I miss you making fun of how I'd google all my solutions, calling me your little girl, chiding me for being late, encouraging me when I'm stressed, sending me get well soon cards. I miss you texting me good morning and good night everyday. I miss all our fights and how we'd always find our way back to each other.
I used to look forward to weekends, they meant more time for us and time to spend with our families together. Now my weekends are mostly spent paying back my sleep debt accumulated throughout the week and waking up with little to look forward to since everyone's busy dating. I used to be in that group too, oblivious to the single ones out there. It definitely took me much coping with to get used to it.
There's so much of you in me. I realized that when you miss someone, they seemed to be the center of attraction in your world.
This was no good though. It disrupted my life that I rebuilt without the element of you in it. They always say God often removes someone from your life for a reason, think before you chase after them. I don't have the courage to go all out for us again but I'll always wonder if we could hit the replay button, would things be the same? x
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