Worried soul

The moment I saw the news of an NSF missing in Brunei, all I can think about is you. It's as if I've anticipated for this moment the moment August started, knowing that you'll be going there, keeping tabs on everything Brunei. So worried, worried sick that something unfortunate may happen to you. The harsh rain, the food, the insects, possible heat rash, swollen feet, blisters everywhere.. There's no limit to what my imagination led me to think when you're there, all alone and exposed to unfamiliar elements. Keeping you in prayer everyday, hoping that you receive blessings in some way or another. But why does that seem so little when there's so much more I know I can give.. I'm sorry I left you, I'm sorry I let you go when you said I was the only one you could rely on, the only one you felt safe with, the only one who can bring you back on track. That expression when you said it.. How can I forget? It keeps repeating day in, day out and fills me with so much guilt. I'm sorry we didn't try any harder. I'm sorry I failed you.. I'm sorry. Most times, I work hard to be okay with how things are, but deep down I wish twice as hard that we should have tried. One last chance, another go. I wish we could go back to the time we had no worries, looking forward to every new day. We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now. I love you so bad it's so hard to let go. And you don't even know.